From Pain to Peace

Having received treatment for breast cancer at the age of 38 years old (and that was in 2016), I realised that life has a lot more to offer. So I left my very stressful job after dedicating 22 years of my life to it – and believe me, it had been a total dedication to that job. It was a very risky decision to make and not one that was taken lightly, but I also wanted to spend more time with my partner, who lives in a different country than mine. A relationship cannot be based on just a weekend together, or on those few days when we could both escape our workload. I took that step, only for my mum to be diagnosed with a terminal illness soon after. So my life had to make a big U-turn and just be dedicated to her, spending quality time with her and assisting with her needs. It was tough – it was so painful to see my mum suffering and not being able to do anything to relieve that pain other than to hold her hands. I forgot all about my needs, just spent time around her and with her. Luckily, I am blessed to have a very understanding partner.

Fast forward to March 2020, my mum passed away peacefully. It was heart-breaking, but I was in a way peaceful with the fact that she was no longer suffering. And it also happened that when she passed away, it was on that day when all flights from my country had to be stopped due to the coronavirus. So once again me and my partner were stranded in two different countries, with no idea when we are going to meet again.

And I panicked. I started getting more and more frustrated, angry at anything that happens which does not go according to my plan…… there was a lot on my mind – after years of being financially independent, where I had a good salary always coming in at the end of the month, I had to quickly adapt, become self-employed and seek my own work. One day, I found myself arguing frantically with my dad about a silly little thing and that’s when I said this has to stop, I can’t continue like this any longer.

That’s where Heartfulness came in. I had been introduced to meditation a few years back by a friend of mine, but I never really gave it much thought or really worked enough to master the practice of meditation. I was always fidgety, always thinking of what to do next whenever I sat down somewhere quiet. But this time, I promised myself that I needed this quarantine time to heal my mind. So I worked on my breathing and the practice of eliminating negative thoughts and calming my mind from anger and fear. I joined the remotely-held meditation sessions and my fidgety mind started to calm down and that is when I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel, when my mind started filling with tiny positive thoughts that yes, I can do it, there is hope for me – and that’s when my life improved. But not just my life, everything around me started making more sense.

And now, six months on, I can say that this virus thing was in a way a blessing for me – for the first time ever, I had time for myself, for healing my body and my mind, for enjoying the simple things in life – like having an early morning walk by the seaside and seeing the sunset, or just enjoying a cup of tea on my terrace and watching the cloud formation. I found a new passion in cooking and baking, something that now gives me much joy. I am my own boss, moulding my work around my life, and what I feel like doing in the moment, and that is truly a blessing. I can now comfortably sit for a whole 30-minute meditation session!

And, more than ever, now I am sure that when you are positive and serene, the world attracts more positivity and serenity around you.



September 2020, Leeds